I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize