you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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