"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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