So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it hurts more in the daytime
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
