I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we're so committed to being not committed
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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