toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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