shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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