I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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