We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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