I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's a naked man in my car right now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
