I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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