Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So apparently I’m into choking now
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