No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
