you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
