I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
