All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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