It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize