Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
