The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
