I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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