I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
