I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
