We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
