i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
