I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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