Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
