oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
