And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
