Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
