last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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