why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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