I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
