Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
