well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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