you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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