How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize