is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
