i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize