I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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