I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
