They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
