sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
