Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
