End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
is that a dick in a sweater?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
