He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
