i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
