hotel room ftw
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
