my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
