no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
