i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
