dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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