Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
