Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
