why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
