So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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