Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
