I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
