i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
