You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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