The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
