Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry my hands just texted you
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
