it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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