He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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