we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i drank out of a bidet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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