Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
