There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
