Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
