OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
