Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
