he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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