was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
