just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
