My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
