Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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