Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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