i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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