Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
