Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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