my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
