I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
