i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
