you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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