My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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