yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
