i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
there is glitter all over my balls
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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