Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
