i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
