dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
