so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
