I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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