don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
