She's never allowed to turn 21 again
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
