I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
