i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the condom got lost in my hair
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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