Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
