He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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