my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
