He is like the real live version of the state fair..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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